AN ODE TO MY (APPARENTLY) NON-EXISTENT BOOBS

Boobs. oh Boobs, where have you gone?
why are you shrinking, evermore
unlike Belly, who persists in sticking around
like ugly in a local beauty pageant
while your reduced sizage
has made running for the bus easier
i have been called 'sir'
three times in the past week
true, one of them was heinz's sister
and she shall not be blamed
as years of living with her brother
have stripped her of gender-establishing skills
but the others!
oh, it causes a pain in my chest
that would have previously been absorbed
by your plushy cushioning
but now, as i anticipate
the next furtive glance at my chest
i shall be left wondering
lost in the hope
that in my androgyny
they see a shane, and not this

shoutout to jigman, who, for the record, is a guy and has bigger neh nehs than me.

MY TATTOOS ARE KILLING ME ARGH. they're at the scabbing period and what happens is it itches ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. i can't scratch them, and so have to be content with rubbing the sides of my tummy. in public. if they were set any closer to my crotch i'd have been arrested for public indecency.

gonna wear mittens when i sleep so i won't wake up with bloodied fingers and friday-the-13th-esque swallows.

went shopping with nastynaz and s!ti today. bought a bundle of stuff. its exhilarating when, for the 1st time ever, you realise you don't have to go 'damn nice, but i'm damn broke lar..' and instead go, 'hey, nice! ok!'.

enjoyed playing bottomless pockets tai tai for the afternoon. realised said afternoon won't be repeated for a long, long time.

in other news, canada is beckoning, its maple-scented arms stretching to welcome me into its fold in 17 days.

i am very nervous.

THINGS I DID TODAY

• Went to the Bank, got my Canadian a/c opened, gonna remit $ mon. hope i dont spend all of angpow $ before i even leave, hoho.
• redeemed digicam and digital clock, got mini-torchlight, lonely planet's vancouver guide and a necklace-alarm for fending off potential perverts. heh, methinks i shld hav a pervert-caller instead. y'know, like those bird whistles that attract tons of crows and such? female pervs only please. and carrie brownstein. not that she isn't female cos, yknow, phwoar. just that she isn't a perv. or is she?
• went to the dentist. hmm, and just yesterday i was thinking, "self, where can i pay $70 to spend 30 excruciating minutes where they insert tools of death and destruction that also sound like nails of chalkboard and prod me with latex fingers that make my mouth taste like ass?"
• spent $40 on an epilator. money well spent, if you like horrendous red bumps and pits that feel and resemble the sahara desert on the day satan decides to invade. yes, i am now typing this entry with my elbows out. curse you ali!

came home and found out my flight's been confirmed. september 2. fingers crossed. very tightly crossed, for a host of reasons.

should really have an 'about me' page up. because narcissism can never be indulged in enough.

DADA ANG'S #1 ARGUMENT FOR ENCOURAGING SELECTIVE ABORTIONS: OR, WHAT HAPPENED AT THE GYM 15 MINS AGO AS TOLD VIA MSN CONVERSATION BWT PROTAGONIST AND PLANT-BOY

please don't kill the freshman says:
hey, im back

please don't kill the freshman says:
fucking pissed off sia

please don't kill the freshman says:
some fucking guy came in halfway thru my set

please don't kill the freshman says:
then i was playing my cd wat

please don't kill the freshman says:
so he was like can u turn it down

please don't kill the freshman says:
with a fucking sour look on his face

please don't kill the freshman says:
so i turned it down

please don't kill the freshman says:
and when i ask him if it was still too loud he didnt reply and just looked pissed

please don't kill the freshman says:
so i fuck care and just contd la

please don't kill the freshman says:
then after some time

please don't kill the freshman says:
he asked if i was a resident

please don't kill the freshman says:
like its his fucking business

please don't kill the freshman says:
so i siad yes

please don't kill the freshman says:
and then

please don't kill the freshman says:
when i was packing up to go

please don't kill the freshman says:
he told me not to play that music again cos

please don't kill the freshman says:
'its irritating to me'

please don't kill the freshman says:
I CAME IN FIRST YOU FUCKWIT

Le Tigre! Hear Me Roar! Grrr.. says:
hah

please don't kill the freshman says:
I USE THE GYM EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY

please don't kill the freshman says:
CHEEBYEW

please don't kill the freshman says:
so i looked damn pissed off

please don't kill the freshman says:
and fako polite smild and asked 'do u come in here often'

please don't kill the freshman says:
THAT FUCKING LIAR SAID YES

please don't kill the freshman says:
FUCK U LOOK AT YRSELF IN THE MIRROR U FUCKING BLOB OF FLAB

please don't kill the freshman says:
then i just shrugged and nodded with a pissed off look and slammed the door out

please don't kill the freshman says:
cheebye asshole

Le Tigre! Hear Me Roar! Grrr.. says:
ya wont be around for long anyway..

please don't kill the freshman says:
fuck his shit man im gonna play ,y boombox louder tmrw

Le Tigre! Hear Me Roar! Grrr.. says:
tot ya gonna complain bout his BO

please don't kill the freshman says:
haha is he rite or is he a presumptous overbearing bastard?

please don't kill the freshman says:
after all, i came in first

please don't kill the freshman says:
and i had been him and it was someone else playing that music

please don't kill the freshman says:
i wld either have beared it of fucked off and come back later

please don't kill the freshman says:
wat, just because you're u likely hav gray as fuck pubes and sagging mantits i have to do wat u tell me to

please don't kill the freshman says:
im gonna burn a cd of death metal and time it so i use the gym 5 mins earlier than him

argh, my tagboard refuses to show up. hate this html shit. so i show up at my office 15 minutes late and, hey! there's no one around! hope it remains this way till lunchtime. not that it'll make a difference in my work routine anyway.

in other news, my grandad passed away monday. my family (mum, bro, me) were the only ones dry-eyed while standing around his (literal) deathbed. much as i'd like to praise ourselves for our incredible wells of resilience, i'm worried about what that reflects on our characters. i wonder how much of my/our seeming apathy towards witnessing a person's life come to an end is having already gone through a much more harrowing situation and how much of it is because we, as horrible as it sounds, simply don't/can't care.

also, as blesphemous as this may come across, the funeral procession seems more a farce than anything. i've always regarded buddhism as a preferable alternative to christianity, as an atheist, but after having to kneel for an hour while people in robes are chanting hokkien prayers to your cantonese grandfather and you look around you and discover that the only people that're kneeling with you are your cousins who have been cornered into kneeling alongside you while your aunts and uncles, the deceased's offspring, have either fucked off halfway through the procession and are chatting happily with their friends and that no one left understands anything that's being chanted, and neither does yr grandfather cos, y'know, he's cantonese and not that proficient in hokkien, i've decided (and had plenty of time to do so) that i would like just a huge fuck-off party in lieu of a religious ceremony. make sure sleater-kinney's playing when i'm being put in the furnace, that's all i ask.