I.AM.SO.FUCKING.BORED. Both karen and gel are on leave, which means I have done fuck all since 8.30. einstein was sooo spot-on about the theory of relativity. (duh… he's EINSTEIN and btw, has that theory been proved?) fucking thought AT LEAST 1/2 an hour had gone by.. look at my watch, 5 fucking minutes….

Was so goddamn asshit broke yesterday I had no money to take the bus home and had to call annnie to come over and pass me some coins.. how pathetic is that? Yah la, spend $40 on a book and movie on Tues and eat shit for the rest of the week.. guess I can rule investment banker out of my future career options..

Been d/ling audio books and stand-up comedy routines to listen to at work.. y'know, stare at some documents and listen to margaret cho going on about anal sex.. hoho… gonna try the audio hypnotherapy guides next… maybe I can hypnotize myself into looking interested and hardworking during work… fuck, hypnotherapy's not powerful enough.. need a fucking miracle for that ballz.

hei hei hei!saw 'buffalo soldiers' with shah yesterday. good to see him again, since the last time we met up was like a couple of months ago when tanto was in town. Nice to learn that a way to avoid catching a show you don't really wanna watch is just to refuse to see it. So tell me, why did I watch 28 days later? Fuck if I know. Actually, I do. Cos I didn't say no! expressing a strong reluctance is not enough, must keep that in mind.

Period started today. Sneezed and, woomph! There it is! Cool. If only shitting was that easy. Though I suppose that would make you incontinent. So…no.

Having a case of the b.o paranoia. Didn't wash my hair yesterday cos I got back too late, which means I'm surreptitiously sniffing every few minutes. Don't think the rain helped matters either.

i wrote this bout a half hour ago, after running out of things to surf. incomplete, and completion is dependent on my level of interest in continuing, which is close to non-existent right now. an absolute absence of plot so this is, essentially, drabble.

when i was young(er):

This all happened when I was about 2 months old. Swear to god. Some people scoff, they don't believe that what is essentially an upgraded fetus has the capability to chew food, much less remember stuff but hey, what can I say? I've always been a very perceptive baby.

Anyways, this is what happened. I was sucking my thumb, lounging around, lying down really, in my powder blue crib that I remember was a hand-me-down from my retarded cousin Andrew, whose parents had a buy a bigger one for him because a 9-year-old boy had to stop fitting into a baby-sized crib eventually. They made damn sure he was really too big for his crib though. I can still smell the stale drool that stain the bottom corner of the crib, where Andrew's head lay cause squeezing him into that position was the only way he'd fit.

So, as I said, I was lying in my crib, staring at the revolving pendulum my mum had hung from the bridge constructed over the two adjacent 'walls' of my makeshift 'home' and contemplating whether to pee or take a dump in my diapers when suddenly, I hear someone speak.

"Yo momma so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Amused at the joke, I gurgled excitedly. I was really laughing, but when you're a baby, the most complex of bodily expressions becomes reduced to either a crying wail, the seal-like 'aak aak!' exclamations of delight, or the aforementioned peeing or poo-ing into your diapers.

The face loomed into view. It looked quite pleasant, really. I could almost place her as one of the Mormon missionaries that had attempted to persuade the midwife who had just delivered me to hand me over for a Mormon baptism. Mrs. Whitam, the midwife, had responded by splashing the blood that was collected during the birth over them. I like to think her reaction to their request was induced by my problematic arrival and that, you know, she wasn't a maniacal Satan-worshipper who moonlighted as a midwife. I never saw any of them again.

The face's lips were moving. I pulled away from my contemplation of bad, evil religions and Satanism and allowed for the vowels and consonants that were spilling from her lips to form moving lips to condense into words and sounds and filter into my ears.

"…so fat, she need a tablecloth to wipe her ass!"

Another 'yo momma' joke. What was it with her and jokes about my mother? Granted, mommy was a little on the heavy side, and children had been known to burst into tears when she smiled at them but hey, you try pushing a ten pound human being out of your vagina and not feel the urge to kill yourself, even if the baby in question was me.

"Hey little cutie-pie.." She was cooing at me, arms reaching into the crib to lift me out and cuddle me to her chest.

i don't like tests. nevertheless, i still must. test testing test test test.

ok, yeah, i know i haven't been updating regularly/at all, but i was down with the couldn't-be-fucked syndrome, plus, the thought of doing all that javascript on the old layout felt too much like work to me. so.. back to basics, heiyo... and i will TRY to update everyday la.. for the 2 ppl still readiong out there

test. this is a test. control center, can you heah me?